A Life Of Cockney Wit And Humour

A Memory of South Hackney.

Hi Guys , Another piece of East End literature from Vic B , I was thinking back the other day of the things that made me laugh as a youngster growing up in the East End although it must have applied to the whole of London , for example , in the 50s and 60s you could go to the pictures at most cinemas and be allowed in at any time during the film , so if it was a B movie of Edgar Lustgarten Crime Stories , you would find the police chasing a murder suspect but you didn't know who he had killed or how , so you stay in your seat until you had seen the main film and the Pearl & Dean adverts followed by Pathe News just to see who had been murdered in the B Movie , very odd , another thing in those days , on the radio how did Peter Brought and Archie Andrews become the most famous ventriloquist in the country he was on the radio for goodness sake , it was a bit like being an acrobat on Workers Playtime , he must have had the greatest agent in the world , when television kicked in he retired I wonder why. Another act on the radio in those days was Leslie Welsh the memory man , people would phone his show ask him who won the FA cup , The Boat Race and the Derby in 1903 , within seconds he would come up with the entire FA Cup team , the Boat Race Crew , and the Horses name and Jockeys date of birth , now seeing as this was on the radio , how many books did he have on his desk I wonder. Another great one was What's my Line , when the contestant mimed his job , by waving his arms in all directions , pulling and pushing whatever , within 5 questions Lady Isobel Barnett or Barbara Kelly would ask , Do you make water bottle stoppers followed by thunderous applause , correct would say Eamon Andrews , we suffered this every Friday night as a great programme . But the greatest one of all had to be Take Your Pick , with Micheal Miles , before the contestants got to the final part of the show they had to survive the Yes ,No interlude by not using Yes or No answers to Micheals tirade of questions , they were nervous wrecks after 2 minutes , to win , wait for it 5/- old money, then came the final , for the luckiest contestant to win Box 13 , Miles would keep offering more and more money to buy the box back, the poor man would be hoping to win a suite of furniture only to be told by dear Micheal ,You've turned down £300 and in Box 13 is a kipper sandwich, Would I have said. Never Mind I've had such good fun on the show after waiting 2 years to get on , at least I've got a kipper sandwich, I don't think so , with my response the show would never have been aired. Then of course there was Sunday Night at The Palladium , people would wait wait all week to see the Star of the Show , if you was lucky it could be Bob Hope or Danny Kaye or wait for it again Arthur Askey running up and down the stage singing about Busy Bees , exactly , I'd think it was a best seller. Does anyone remember Joan Rhodes the worlds strongest woman , now here was an act , she could bend plasticine bars round her neck , and tear telephone directories in half , I think what started her on this path was having to tear up newspapers for her Mums toilet like most of us in those days . One of my jobs was collecting the horse manure produced by the United Dairy milk cart equines , the trouble was they never delivered at night so there I would be with my little shovel in broad daylight for all our neighbours to call out "Well done lad can you bring some for my garden as well" , thank God for supermarkets. But now I know why I told my dear Grandad I don't like rhubarb. I hope you have enjoyed my latest piece of silliness , That's all for now Byeee VB