Was I Invisible

A Memory of Motspur Park.

I was born in 1952 in Washington Road, Worcester Park. From age 6 I was doing the shopping for my two feckless parents up and down that road on a 3 wheel trike. My life from then was as the most abused child imaginable. I took myself to school and home was always bruised and punch drunk and my useless mother was quite open about her hatred of me and her wish for my death. Two schoolteachers lived very near us and the only light in my wretched world was the doll they would bring me once a year from their holidays abroad. I treasured them so naturally they were destroyed by my mother. At least once a week all my clothes and bedding would be hurled out of the upstairs window and left for cars to drive over all day. When I told the teacher she said I would know then how not to treat my own children. I was eleven. Does anyone remember me? I changed my name at first chance. I never use my given name. Once the butcher at Dewhurst said to my sister that something should be done to help me. With hindsight I think he would have seen me warding off hunger by chewing slivers of raw meat on his chopping board. I think it was him who called the social workers, they were told I was at my brother's house and my mother honestly told them she hated me. They went away and the naked, kicked and beaten girl just feet away then got her nose broken for causing trouble, at least he tried. In my teens one of the Deighton boys walked me down the road, he wouldn't recall I am sure, but I remember it, he was nice to me and I was told never to talk to him again. My sister married at St Philip's church when I was eight, mother was screaming abuse there as well, she absolutely forbade my wearing anything pretty ever as I was such an ugly child. She poured bleach over the ballet shoes I was meant to wear and cut the flowers off the hem of the dress. Neighbours, teachers, the doctor, shopkeepers, did you just never see me?

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