Lost Childhood

A Memory of Pantasaph.

I was in the orphanage in the early 1950's. It was a terrifying experience, I remember having to stand around a bed with other kids to witness a nude child get beaten with a stick to teach everyone a lesson not to wet the bed. I remember the sparse meals, the cold and the complete lack of any love. I got the mumps as a young child and was locked away in solitary confinement, alone and in pain with nothing to do until I was well enough to join the other orphans. It was a miserable childhood, the nuns were cruel and vicious. To this day my heart races at the very word 'Pantasaph' I was constantly afraid and experiences of that life haunt me to this day. My name then was Christine Cordery and I had two sisters, Carol and Sandra.


Added 22 March 2013

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Comments & Feedback

i have also commented re the terrible abuse we suffered - i wrote to the brothers who are still there - and got a string of emails digressing the point and words to the effect of -abuse was worse in those days especially in the homes of the poor and uneducated. Also that he was not there at the time so could not comment. but he was able to comment on the good reviews he was aware of, eventhough he was not there at the time. Get in contact with me because he replied to me as though my care was an isolated case -
Hi I am amazed of what you all endured. I have just moved into St Claire's court beautifull apartments. I have spent several evenings checking out the history. I have a disabled 25 year old daughter who lives with carers and I have been a carer myself for many years.
What some people went through, i can not imagine let's hope all institutionalised and religious abuse is at an end. I do not know any of you but your resilience has given me inspiration.
I wish you all a happy 2016
X
Hello
I recently visited Pantasaph and saw the lovely apartments now built in place of St Claires Convent. I wandered around for hours reminiscing. The old tractor was still in view on what was the farm.
Many sad times and lack of love but I do believe the nuns thought they were acting as God wanted - we know differently now - our loving God would not have accepted the way we were looked after. No signs of it now - just luxurious apartments in its place.
It was still a very peaceful and reverent walk up Calvary in the monastery grounds visiting the stations of the cross which we seemed to visit most weeks whilst out walking as children.
I visited the grave of a postulant, Sister Regina, who died whilst we were there - all children attended her funeral - she was a lovely lady - always smiled at the children - a rare occurence as smiles didn't happen too often. Apparently, the most caring nun, Sister Catherine, was living in accommodation in the Monastery.
I suppose it was necessary for catholic families to go there to be "cared for" due to circumstances at home - but love and smiles cost nothing to share - but they were never evident. It was quite a lonely place but we survived.
I had the pleasure of meeting a person who lived in an apartment and was able to inform him that previous to that his apartment was St Mary Joseph's office and part of the hallway.
Happy 2016 to everyone reading this message.

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