Its Panto Time! Oh Yes It Is!

A Memory of Newcastle upon Tyne.

You ever been to a panto? Oh yes you have!!! Remember! You go into a large packed hot old theatre full of sticky shouting children and adults trying to look as if they are not enjoying themselves. The house lights dim and the orchestra comes out into the orchestra pit and they settle down, resplendent in dinner suits that have seen better days and tune up the instruments and sit waiting for the Conductor.
Right!
Now let me fill you in with what happens on this cold December night’s production of 'Dick Whittington' many years ago when theatre and panto was still in its heyday. The theatre is now hushed and if you look at the stage you can see the stage lights under the hem of the stage curtain and shadowy feet moving into position ready for ‘Overture and Beginners’ as its called. The Conductor in his best white tie and tails climbs up onto his rostrum, shuffles his music, coughs and raises his baton, taps it on the music stand light and off we go! The curtains open and there before us is the full chorus line singing and dancing while the Principal Boy makes her way down to the footlights and, smiling at the audience, slaps her thigh and asks if all the boys and girls are pleased to see them? 'YES!' they all shout ... except for one little chap in the front row who is sick! Not just sick BUT SICK! All over the orchestra ... Well, that was the end of that.
How can you continue when all the vomit is dripping of the piano keys, violins and some of the orchestra could not see out of their glasses? So the curtains close and the orchestra members go off to change and the cleaners come on and wash down the band parts and seats and instruments.
Then off we go again! The orchestra comes back looking decidedly unhappy in polo neck sweaters and sports coats and one in a raincoat! Overture and Beginners ... This time all goes well ... until (remember we are doing 'Dick Whittington') the scene in front of the large fire in the baronial hall kitchen and the Principle Girl is sitting on a chair with the Cat (another girl in a cat skin) draped across her lap. The next line as she stroked the cat was ‘Alas poor pussy, no Dick tonight!’ and that was about the end of the panto, 2,000 odd Mums and Dads were in hysterical laughter while the kids wanted to know what they were laughing at! Every time we tried to bring back order some one corpsed or giggled and off they all went again!
Now that was a night to remember!!!
NB. Back in those days the Lord Chamberlain's office was responsible for censorship of all scripts before they went into production and any lines he did not like had a blue pencil drawn through the offending passage and that was that! But he had missed that line. It’s worth knowing that’s how Jack Warner got to be called Blue Pencil Warner long before he became 'Dixon of Dock Green'.

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